Another Thanksgiving Post

I know you are all sick of these posts on Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, and other things but I just love Thanksgiving. By this time of the year I'm pretty busy with so many things that not a whole lot of change happens. I have school, work, friends, Christmas to prepare for, gifts to make, ect. But thanksgiving is kind of my reflection day. New Years is coming up and I need to find a new goal to set for the year, so what was my goal last year...? I know one of them was to strengthen mine and Corbin's relationship, and that happened. Another was to get a job, and I did that as well. I had to get a scholarship, and that happened... I didn't loose weight though.... I think I gained some.... =)

Well thanksgiving is a time for me to look at my last year or two and see all of the wonderful things that have happened for me, and find out how they have changed me now. I can give you a list of one hundred fights I've had over the last year and a half that I hated, but now I realize how wonderful it was that I had those arguments.

Now for the cheesiest part! =)

MY THANKSGIVING ABC's

Art

Books

Corbin (Who I love so much♥)

Deity

Education

Family/friends

Genealogy (The history of my family)

Hugs

Imagination

Jobs

Kisses

Laughing (And a sense of humor)

Music

Nature

Opinions

Politics (most people don't actually like those though....) =)

Questions

Rain

School

Trust

Universe

Variety

Walks

X-rays (and other technology found to enhance the medical field.)

Yellow (and other colors)

Zest

Final Words♥~ What are you thankful for?

Change

"Turn and face the strange, Pretty soon your gonna get older

Time may change me, But I can't trace time"

~Changes by David Bowie

Ah changes, I think I write about these on this blog more than anything else, it'a probably because I am going through so many right now! Well for starters, I am a senior in high school and like half of the teenage population I hate it! I am so done with high school! But at the same time I am ready to pee my pants and turn around begging for them to let me back in! For twelve years my life has been scripted and planned. I wake up at six, I am in the car at seven-thirty, I go from class to class, I go home, homework/tv/phone/friends, dinner, tv, bed. For twelve years that has been my life! Sooooo..... what's next?

Well I know I am going to be working and going to cosmetology school as well. I am proud of myself for getting out there and not just waiting for things to happen to me like so many others do. But still..... my friends? Will we still be friends? Will I still have time for hobbies? Will I still write? Will I still be me after all of this? I don't know......

Thing is it's my senior year! That's right! The party year! The year full of fun where I get to rule the school! And yet, I hate it. I am responsible. (not saying others aren't I am just working harder than a lot of my friends...) I am not expecting scholarships to pay for school, so I am working hard and saving every penny I can! I can't be in any of the plays, I can't do anything extra curricular, I can't do competitions, I can't do anything...... I just work. It sucks! But I know I will be happier because of it!

FINAL WORDS ~

Change happens, this is an ever changing world. There is no such thing as bad change, just hard change and teaching change.

Insecure

Everyone has insecurities. Some people have less than others, some people's insecurities aren't as bad, some people just don't care about their insecurites as much as others do, but in the end it doesn't matter everyone has things they don't like about themselves.

To me it feels like, in today's world, everyone is trying to fix others. Fix you. Fix me. They say things like, "If you'd just take this pill", "If you'd only go here", "If you'd just have this surgery", and then it will all go away. But why? I think it's wrong. For years people haven't had the technology that we do now, and they made it. People had anxiety, people had depression, people had big noses, people were fat, people didn't like themselves. So why does it matter? There are so many songs on the radio right now that are popular with the same message. Firework by Katy Perry, Born This Way by Lady Gaga, Fucking Perfect by P!nk, Who Says by Selena Gomez. They all say "Love Yourself."

But this is so hard to do.

I watch some pretty lame shows. Especially during the summer, I sit around a lot! One of the shows that I love is Glee! Now they have on another show called The Glee Project. This is where twelve talented people compete for a role on Glee! Every week they have homework assignments and a video shoot based on the theme such as "Theatricality" and "Individualism", just like on Glee! This week's lesson was vulnerability. So they were given Mad World, to sing for their music video. The plan for this week's video was they all walked around a busy area in LA in shorts and a tank top wearing a sign with the word that makes them the most insecure on it. They had words such as "small", "gay", "rejected", "fake", and "used". One competitor, Marissa, chose the word "flawed". But while watching Alex (who chose the word "gay") go out and expose himself, Marissa and others broke down. Marissa saw how Alex's heart began to break as people watched him and judged him, and she went into the other room and changed her sign. While watching the video viewers saw that it now read "anorexic". Here is the video if anyone would like to watch.

I teared up while watching this. Not that many people read this thing, but most of those close to me know I used to be anorexic. I lost sixty pounds by not eating. The issue was that it made things better. Sure dancing became hard, but boys looked at me. People wanted to be my friend. I acted with more emotion as well. But one day, I met someone who made me eat. That was about a year ago. I have since gained back fifteen pounds. I feel gross sometimes still. Sometimes I am watching tv while my stomach aches and I say to myself "It's a couple pounds that you need to loose if you just stay here" and I do. It's hard not to slip back. But I think that I do very well under the circumstances.

But anorexic isn't my word. What is it? Trash. Why. . . . well I think I'll keep that one to myself for right now.

♥Final Words♥

What's your word?

Looking Foward

Lately I have been looking at my future a lot. Can I just tell you that I am so scared. There was a point in time when I knew what my future was gonna be like. That wasn't that long ago. The problem is, it's right around the corner now. A year ago, graduating early, getting into beauty school, getting a job, having the money for it I needed by the time I needed, it all seemed so easy. Now it seems, not impossible, just unlikely.

Now the future doesn't seem like beauty school. It seems like the future is everything. It's will I have a family? Will I die a crazy old spinster with a million cats? Will I die alone? Will I ever get a book published? Will I be able to look back at my life and feel like I have done good?

I have goals. That, in my opinion, is something everyone needs in order to really progress in life. Are they big enough? Will I be able to reach them? Lots of people say "Shoot for the moon, and then if you don't make it, at least you'll land somewhere in the stars." Well that's lame in my opinion. The stars? They aren't such a great place to be. Think about it. The moon has bases on it, with air. The stars? They have no air. All they are, are huge balls of fire. I would burn up and die. Just like life. If I put my money into becoming a doctor, and the classes are to much for me, and I run into a hard time, and everything comes down on me, and I am just not strong enough to it all, then where do I end up? In a big pile of debt with no job at all. If I am lucky I can flip burgers at McDonalds. That's where I end up.

So I am nothing but freaked out right now. I have no security blankets to grab on to, I have no constants, I have no rock right now. So what do I turn to? I think I know. Honestly I didn't until I wrote that down. I have been crying, wondering what I am going to do, but I just figured it out. I turn to the only people who are there for me, even when I am not there for them. I just realized that I need to pray a little more than I normally do. That should be my rock. Friends come and go, boys come and go. But in the end, They are there for me forever.

♥Final Words♥ Make Them your rock.

Family, Goobing, and Prayers

I have a lot of family.
I have my biological family, my chosen family, and my forced-but-not-biological family. They all mean so much to me. My parents have always tried to make our home safe for anyone who comes in it. Anytime we don't get along with someone in the neighborhood my parents sit us down and let us know that we have to get along with them in our house. Even though we have had problems with people stealing, lying to us, and taking advantage, we still love them and we grow as better people and closer as a family as well. We never lock our doors (except around Christmas). I remember going out to Chinese food and coming back with all the lights off, but Krystena was chilling on our computer. The best part? It wasn't weird. It felt more like she had just came home from a friends house or something.

Now my chosen family? They are probably more stressful than my biological family! But no matter what they do I love them so much and I would do anything for them! Sometimes they are not the smartest of people. Sometimes they fail to see others reaching out to them and trying to love them as anything more than a pity handout, a snarky stab, or an intentional action to hurt them. It drives me crazy when they just don't see how much I love them and am trying to help! I bet my parents feel like this often.

I spent the weekend with one of my families. At first I saw that my sister was getting into trouble and I went to warn her, and her mother, about certain people that I knew she shouldn't get tangled up with. Then I saw a greater need. One of my many mothers was having a really hard time. She was feeling lost, alone, and abandoned. I felt it necessary that I stay with her and my sister until her kids got back from their dads. During this time I got the chicken pocks. Things is, I knew I shouldn't leave her at a time like this. After discussing a few personal problems with my friend (and her step daughter who has moved out but was visiting for a few hours) my mom and sister got very upset. I wasn't saying anything bad about them, just that I was concerned and lost. I got chewed out. I got eaten alive and spat on a the ground. I simply told them what I said, and that if they didn't believe me then I was sorry. The thing is, even though I didn't do anything wrong, I hate that my family hates me. I didn't know what to do. My body was tired and sore, I was itching all over, and I didn't know what I could do to help this woman who I love so much know how wrong she is. And not just about me, but about all that love her dearly.

This is what I like to call “Goobing” (g-oo-bing). There is a Disney/Pixar movie called “Meet the Robinsons” and in it there is a character called Goob. He is the villain. At the end of the movie he explains his downfall to self hatred and dirty deeds. They show him walking through school and they kids are smiling at him and waving. One says, “Hey Goob, hows it going?” Another says, “That's a really cool binder Goob!” And then the last says, “Hey Goob, want to come over tonight?” After this section of the flashback the villain sighs “They all hated me.” I feel like sometimes other do this too. They are angry at themselves and thus they don't let other people in. I didn't know what to do to help my “Goobing” mother, so I did all I could. I prayed.
While on my knees I prayed for her heart to be softened to other people. Then I had a thought. How is that softening? I don't understand this, I really don't. In the bible it says it a million times, “Softening ones heart”, but I just don't get it. To me this was strength. To me it would be easy and “soft” and “comfortable” for her to lay around feeling sorry for herself. It would take strength for her to stand up and face her challenges instead of running from them, and the part she played in creating her situation.

So I liked that thought.

Final Words♥: All trials take strength to master and all strength comes from above.

There are so many cliche phrases I could use for this post...

Has anyone ever heard of the Westboro Baptist Church? They are a very political and extremist religion that heavily protests war and gay marriage. The way they protest is appalling rude though. Many of their signs include things such as “God hates Fags”, “God hates America”, “Thank God for Dead Soldiers” and so on. The worst part? They choose to protest at events such as Veteran's and Soldier's funerals.

The thing is that something in more disturbing has been going around. I have seen facebook, myspace, myYearbook, and twitter posts saying things about this church. What these statuses are saying is that when the WBC has their convention, people should refuse to service them. Because of their political actions, this is perfectly legal. But also because of morality, this is perfectly wrong. These posts seem to have started in Mississippi, and they urge people in that state to refuse to give any sort of food or housing services to these people. Following I have seen many more statuses pop up saying things such as “Way to go Mississippi! Show those WBC idiots!” and other snarky comments in support.

I have to say that I am little upset about this. I mean how hypocritical can people be? These people are upset at the WBC for being rude and disrespectful to a group of people. They are upset that this group is being so hateful towards those fighting for what they believe is right. So in retaliation what are they doing? These people are hating the WBC so much that they are going to refuse them motel service, gas service, food service, and so on. They are going to be rude and snobbish to these people for believing in something that they hate. Doesn't that sound hypocritical to you?

Even if other people disagree with me I don't honestly care. In my opinion when I pray I have always been told to be kind to even the worst of people. It says in the bible that Jesus still loves Satan after all he is doing, and we should too. I think the WBC is nothing compared to Satan! Now I know that many of you know that I don't really believe in Satan, and instead see light and dark aspects of my heavenly parents, but I wanted to put it on a level for most of the people in Utah, who might read this thing! Even though I don't believe in the Bible, I do believe that deity wants us to love everyone, even the worst of people. If I am nice to this awful group, and they are negative to the reception or continue to be rude afterwords, then that’s their sins, their problems, they can work that all out with The Big Guy later. I on the other hand, will have done the right thing!

On top of all that, these statuses are stupid. How many people think that even if every person in Mississippi saw this and posted it that it would actually happen. The WBC doesn't walk around wearing weird clothes or with signs or anything! If they go to the Best Western and says that they need their rooms that they have reserved, the clerk isn't going to know that they are WBC members! The guy working the Burger King drive through doesn't know either! The only thing this message does is show how like this group we all are. Many of you may be thinking that I am being hypocritical now too. But I don't hate the people who are posting this crap, I just hate the post. Thanks for reading♥

One Thing I Have Learned About Life

“If there is one thing I have learned about life, it is that it goes on.”

~Robert Frost

This is one of my favorite quotes. Now a days life is dramatic! No longer does failing a test mean that you will have to study harder next time. Now it means that you will have horrible grades, not get into college and live in your parent's basement the rest of your life! Things are blown out of proportion all the time! I am no stranger to this kind of dramatization. I am very sarcastic, dramatic, and I exaggerate everything! [See that!? That was an exaggeration! =P]

As I was saying, life is hard. People from a young age are expected to have the rest of their lives mapped out, and I think I get caught up in the moment sometimes, and I think a little to far ahead of myself. Goals are a good thing, but goals that are to high? Well just make sure that you know that they are high and may be unattainable. Sometimes the best things in life are the simple joys. Things like bubbles, children laughing, old couples holding hands in a park, warm summer rains that come right when you are feeling down, and nature.

Now I don't know how many of you know this, but I love nature. To me nature is spiritual. I believe that deity lives on earth through nature. I believe that in every aspect of nature there is rebirth, growth, challenge, and symbolism. I recall spending a month watching a tulip grow out of the ground. No I was not sitting there staring at it for a month, but when I walked in and out of my house I would look at it. I watched it grow out of the ground, slowly. Then the petals filled with life. They slowly began to open and the snow came. They closed up again. Then it melted and those petals opened, but slower this time. It was as if the little flower was watching it's back, so it wouldn’t get hurt again. Several times I watched as the flower opened and closed it's petals until finally those petals opened through wind, rain, snow, and sunshine. That flower grew til it was strong. Oh listen to me! I am going off on my tulip adventures! But basically what I am trying to say is that nature is wonderful to me!

This past week I had something occur to me. This was not a new phenomena. I had been there several times. Every time I felt helpless, weak, small, and like I would never find light again. I had grown so dependent on someone else that when they left, my world caved in. But I am okay. Just like Mr. Frost said, life goes on. My world hasn't caved in. As Regina Spektor has said in her song Rejazz

“the clock still strikes midnight and noon
And the sun still rises and so does the moon
Birds still migrate south and people move on
Even though I'm no longer in your arms
Thought the mountain would crumble
And the rivers would bend
But I thought all wrong and the world did not end”

I have friends. I have talents. I have potential. I have me. I have my Goddess and my God. I have love. I have music. I have a life all my own. And it will continue, it will be harder for a while, and it will hurt at times. But it will go on. I still hope that things will go back. I still hope that things will work out and get better. I know they might not, and although it hurts like Hell, I am okay. I know that I will live my life and things will get better.

Now for just one more quote. This one comes from my amazing friend Katrina. When all of this was happening I was crying to her and Kylie for comfort. I said to her “what guy would want to be with me after all that I have done?” and Katrina just looked at me and said “The right one.” I just thought that was pretty cool! I have wonderful friends! I am so lucky! I have truly been blessed in my life with amazing people who ALWAYS have my back! Thank you to Katrina and Kylie! Thanks to my “Personal Mafia” (you know who you are), and thanks to the Torres Family who has helped me remember to smile! Thanks to all who have helped me through this time!

Finding Faith

I have had a lot of people ask me about my journey to finding religion. The thing is I haven't really found it yet. I pray but I am not comfortable. I read but I am not sure. A lot of my friends joke around calling my religion "the Religion of Angela". It combines several religions using Wicca as the base and stemming off into Presbyterian, Catholicism and Buddhism.

What did it take me to find faith? Everything. It took me going into a place that I didn't want to be in to realize that there even was an anything after this life. It took courage and a lot of practice. It took many trails as well. It semt that the more I prayed the worse things went. But if we don't have a storm then the sun wont mean anything to us.

Religion is personal. People react differently when it comes to faith. I have friends that hate how everyone always invites them to church and mutual and they just don't want to go. I on the other hand have gotten many invites to church and mutual and I love going most of the time. It tells me that other people care. I personally believe that it's not what you believe, but more that you do believe. So I love seeing people's commitment to their religion and trying to share the joys that their faith has brought them with me.

If someone wants to find faith the hardest thing to do is experiment. Read, pray, and fast. Fast, read, and pray. You just have too. What do you read though? This is the hardest part in my opinion. The Bible? Well that is a sure fire start. But what else. Well the Book of Mormon is a good place to find out about the LDS religion's book. Don't ever read a book about a book though. Don't read a book on the Mormon beliefs that wasn't written by a current and faithful member. The same goes for any churches especially Pagan sects.

In the end religion is something you have to find within yourself. Something you have to humble yourself and focus on for a while in order to truly get it. Something you must trust your instincts on and not hold back with. Experience everything and try everything out. When I was going through my process I tried rituals, I tried prayers, I tried certain meals too. I didn't like some of them and some of them I have adopted for my own, and others I have kept unchanged.

In the end I haven't exactly become comfortable with anything quit yet but I have told my parents my difference in religion, I have told many people of my quest, and I am no longer ashamed of my lack of faith in the Mormon church. (not a blow to any of the Mormons out there I swear! I love the Mormon faith, I believe some of what they do as well!)

I will now share a few brief words of my faith. I believe in God and Goddess as equal partners in creation. I believe that they have light and dark aspects, playing good and evil at once in order to create the opposition that is so vital in our lives. I believe that the Goddess and God live on our Earth through nature. I believe that when we die we are evaluated and then either sent back to earth (but only as a human) to learn what we still need to know, or moved on in the spirit world to progress and create worlds of our own. That (in my heart) is why we only use a small portion of our brain, we are storing what we obtained from past lives. I believe that bond last in heaven, not necessarily marriages and families, but those things on earth do create bonds that last in the after life. I believe that the only way to stop progression on earth and in the spirit world as well is to end your earth life by your own hand. That is the difference between heaven and hell to me.

These are a few basic things that I feel are true for me. I respect all religions though. I love to learn about them and attend them and I don't hate any religion at all. I just love religion and I encourage everyone to find what they truly believe in themselves.

A Random Writing - Slip

So once in a while I write something randomly. Not a part of a book, but just something that has to do with how I am feeling. Often when I write these I'm not telling the whole truth, because these aren't the stories of my life. These are stories that I randomly bleed out when I am doing just that, bleeding. So I guess I really like this one that I wrote during history today. Like I said, some of this isn't true, it's not all me, it's my characters in my head that have SOME similarities with me, but they also have their differences. So this one I call, "slip". Enjoy!




She started to slump a little. Derek wasn't sure why she was so down. She said she was okay with it. Her head hung low so that her hair covered her face. The bell rang.

“Come on Hon', I'll walk you to class,” he said sweetly. Her body tightened again. How could he sound so sincerely in love with her?

“I don't want you too,” she said quietly, but firmly. It hurt her to say those words. She just sat there. Derek knew why she was upset, but it shouldn't be that big of a deal. He knew what could happen, but it was just that. It was what could happen, and in his mind, not what would.
As he stood there feeling upset, wanting to understand her mind, and justifying his actions to himself, her mind was flooding with hatred. How she worked to make these voices stop. How she prayed for the strength to forget these feelings. And yet years of work, struggle, battle, and a final victory had shattered into a thousand cliché pieces.

How could her heart not fill with questions? How could he not care? Her fists clenched, her nails began to dig into her skin and her toes curled under and STOP, she told herself. She could not allow herself to slip back right now. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she whispered to herself that she would give in later.

She hated herself. She tried to hate him, she tried to hate his parents, she tried to hate his “so called friends”, but she couldn't. He looked at her for a moment as she left alone. She couldn't stop the tears from tearing out of her eyes. She was angry with him. Why didn't he come and talk to her? Why didn't he stop her? But she knew the answers. He didn't want her to be mad at him, and she would have been. But it didn't matter how much she cried, screamed, begged or pleaded with him. She could slap him across the face and nothing would change. He would still hurt her. He could have tried to comfort her, he could have hugged her, and he could have chased her down. But that night he still would still shamelessly go out and do that thing that killed her inside.

Why was he okay with hurting her like that? She wasn't sure but it all felt horribly familiar. Why did it feel so close? It was Jason. She loved him but always felt like something was off. He always put her down, made her hate herself, and made her so unsure. She convinced herself that he was just trying to help her, and he might have been, but he wasn't. She was torn down sliver by sliver to stand half naked in front of a skeptical eye that only wanted to change her into something he thought was better. She would never be good enough. She cut and cut and cutcutcutcut the pain away, but for once she realized that the hurt was deeper than her skin.

That's how she felt every time Derek told her he was going to drink. He left a scar that made her wince every time she looked at it. She couldn't hide. She couldn't get lost in tv, books, or movies. It was the itch she couldn't scratch, because no matter what she did she could not forget.

He made her feel stupid.
He made her feel ugly.
He made her feel weak.
He made her feel worthless.
He made her feel small.

There it was. Small. Insignificant. Petty. A grain of sand to step over. Why should she care if he didn't? Why should she bend over backwards for him, take the fall for him, worry for him, and help him in every way she can when he didn't want to help her in the only way he can. The only way she wanted him to. Why should she care?

Because she did care. She loved him. He saved her from herself. He taught her how to find the light. He taught her how to smile again. He reminded her why she loved to write, and sing, and dance. He gave her life, so she gave him everything. Maybe he didn't jump as deep as she did, because now she was stuck. Stuck in a place of love and hate. A place of now and then, but never later. A place of masks and chains. A place that gave her the self hatred that she seemed to feed off of her whole life. A place that she felt comfortable. A place that she loved with all of her heart because she was never alone when she was there. She was with him. And she loved him. And that was all that mattered.

What is Beauty?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.... I think that is a proverb. The thing is that everyone has their own definition of beauty. There are so many songs about being beautiful and loving you for you, but this week on Glee Rachel and Quinn did my new favorite one! It is a mash-up of "Unpretty" by TLC and "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story! It is amazing! :)

Junior Prom!

On Saturday April 23rd, 2011 I went to prom with my love Corbin Ray Harris♥ :)
These are pictures from the event!

the Dress and Hair! :)

The flowers!

The Happy Couple :)

Timo & Katrina in their "Medieval" Prom Garb with us!

The Kissing Picture!

My Favorite Picture of them all!

It was a great night full of fun and laughs! :) We went to Olive Garden (Corb's favorite) and to the park, and the dance...... :) It was WONDERFUL!

Five Guilty Pleasures

Everyone has a few things that they think are silly or really stupid but they just love it! I have a few of my own of coarse and here they are for all to see! They aren't much but they are my guilty pleasures.

1- Chocolate - Who doesn't love chocolate right? But as much as I love it, I try not to eat it so much. I fail. The reason I say this is a guilty pleasure is because I have "Health Days" Where all I eat are healthy foods. I wont eat ANY sugar. Yes I know your body needs sugar, but I can go a few days without it and be healthier! If I do these more than three times a week though I usually cuddle up with a Hershey bar and indulge my senses in the sweet forbidden chocolate.


2- Hair and Makeup - On Sundays once a month or so I do my hair an make up. Not in curls or anything, I mean blue eye shadow up to my forehead and hair taller than I am. I put in ribbons and I paint the lipstick on so thick that I can hardly open my mouth. I look silly. I am just letting loose and being weird, but all by myself. I guess this is good because I am having fun for me. So that's something weird that I enjoy.


3- Scholarship Websites - I have no idea why I am so obsessed with scholarship websites! I love them though. I spend hours upon hours looking at all different kinds of websites and filling out silly applications. I am not sure why I am so into this, but I am!


4- Lazy Nights - Laziness is next to..... not godliness that's for sure! I try my best to stay active and what not, but Once a month or so I have a good night in. I take a long bath, I cuddle up in a warm blanket with my feet in a foot bath with mint scented water and I watch a musical. I just sit there, all night, eating strawberries and chocolate and being lazy and fat! Sounds good huh? But it's awful!


5- the Tyra Show - I watch this show almost everyday! I have no idea what the appeal is, but there is some appeal because I can't give it up!

I know these aren't really that big of a deal, but that's my post for the week! :)

Words From A Black Heart♥
Everyone has their own guilt pleasures, so just own them! Don't be guilty anymore! Smile! Because even if it's not the BEST thing, unless it's something truly wrong, everyone deserves a little fun once in a while, and a little self indulgence!

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THANKS!!!!

Another Part of Me!!!!

I love to act.
When I act I become a different person. I feel new things, I have a new attitude, I have new friends, family, and a new life. When things are going wrong I go to rehearsal. I love it. I am no longer Angela, I am who ever it is that I am in that show.
I just got a part in a play called "Finding Hardwick" I am stoked. :) I LOVE ACTING!
My first rehearsal is tomorrow and I can't wait!

Final Words:
Find what you love and do it! Live it, love it, breathe it, and smile the whole way through!

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust....

This past week has been..... interesting, and filled with many lessons for me. And here are the three that I learned!


FAITH
Since I have broken up with Corbin, I have had A LOT of free time on my hands. I cracked open the old books in the library and began my religious studies again. (for all of you that don't know my stands on church....) I believe that everything is true. I feel like God made a lot of religions because there are a lot of people. The important thing isn't where or how you worship, but that you find what you believe in and commit to it.

I love to read about all of the different religions because it is so amazing to me how so many different people find God, (or a God-Like deity such as Allah, Father Sky, etc.) When I put down one of my study books I feel so good inside, like that is me connecting to the Earth. I feel that whomever created this earth, created it for us, and I love to connect with it. I love to go outside (even in the snow) barefoot and lay on the ground and soak up the sun's energy and just be alive. I love remembering who I am and how far I have come and why I am the way I am. I love connecting with myself. Faith in myself, my future, my God, and my choices is the most important thing to me.


TRUST
Be careful who you trust. I hate the idea of getting hurt (who doesn't?) so one day I locked myself away inside of a box. I hid myself form the world and camouflaged that box with a lot of pretty paintings so that the people passing by would be to interested in the paintings to see the box behind it.
About a year ago I chose to take the paintings down for a few people and let them see inside my box. One of them, hurt me. I locked it right back up and I wouldn't let anyone see inside of it anymore. About eleven months ago I let someone else take a peek in my box. I gave them my box. He helped me pull things out of it and let the world see all the beauty and ugly inside. I trusted this person to keep many things that I had never let go of. Then he hurt me. I should not have trusted him.
I am glad though that he taught me to trust myself enough to know that I can be alive with the pain. I have me to trust, and me alone. I have people I can trust some things with, but opening my box entirely is not going to happen again. At least not for a long time. BUT no more paintings. Just the dusty old wooden box, and the parts of me that I have learned not to be ashamed of.


PIXIE DUST
Magic! I did a little studying, and I know what I want for my future. I'm writing again. I am writing the cold, pure, raw tension-filled writing that I love. I have always wanted to be three things:
1- A pop star (just like Britney Spears or Kelly Clarkson, I used to say, but not anymore)
2- A writer, the next J.K. Rowling of coarse!
3- A Beautician! What could be better than getting paid to do hair and nails!?

So what have I chosen to do? ALL THREE OF THEM OF COARSE! ha ha just kidding! :) I am not planning on being a big pop star, but I do love singing, and I plan on doing that for the rest of my life (although it may be limited to the shower and while cleaning). :)

Even though I am not a pop star, I can be a writer and a beautician. I have looked at a LOT of schools, and I have finally picked the one I want! It really is perfect for me! It's got small class sizes (teaching to the individual), an advanced class (comes with tuition, usually they cost about $3000 extra) and a pretty flexible dress code! The price is pretty low for a cosmetology school, only $16,000 and I plan on starting in January of my senior year (provided I get a job by the end of March) this will get me $3000 automatically for starting in High School! :) I am pumped! I have been applying for other scholarships and grants too! Fingers Crossed!

I want to go back to writing the story that I left on. It is about a girl who is a little not right in the head. She is pessimistic and she hates herself, she cuts herself all up, tears into her mind with a chain saw, and kills every bit of hope she can. She ruins herself. She turns to Anorexia for strength but when her parents figure out what she's been doing to herself she decides that she has no say in her life anymore, no control. She figures out how to gain it all back and end all her problems at one time. With a twisted ending, and killer insights I love this book! I am going to post my favorite "chapter" in my notes on facebook just look for the post "The Bubble Gum Girl" :) I am going to devote myself to that right now.


Final Words:
Faith is all you need. Faith in God, yourself, and you future.
Trust no one but yourself and God.
Pixie Dust can take you to a lot of great heights. [Especially if you have faith and trust to go along with it ;) ]

I HATE ALCOHOL

I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol!

I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol! I hate alcohol!

so kids, what is it that we have learned today? Oh yeah, that I hate alcohol. I ruins lives, relationships, families, and love. And I hate it so much! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
I don't care what form it's in or how often it's being drank, I HATE IT ALL THE SAME! I hate alcohol!

"Friends are the BaCoN bItS in the salad bowl of LIFE!" ~Anon

So I have some pretty awesome friends right? I have a BILLION friends I swear! But there are a few friends that have been with me through the rough spots. There are people that I have really confided in that I can totally identify with as well.
There is this quote that I love that goes:
"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say.Best Friends listen to what you don't say."
I LOVE IT! It's true, I have a couple of friends that I would trust with my life. All of them I have hated at one point or another too, (except one of them), a few I knew for years before I had any problems, others I hated and then came to love! So here is a shout out to ALL of my friends!

Here are just a few (don't be offended if you are not on my short list! I still love you!)


Caleb McClellan
This kid and I have been through a lot, and through all the crap we have put each other through we still somehow manage to be friends. This guy taught me A LOT. He taught me how to control my thinking mostly. He also encouraged me in my writing and my cultural and religious studies!

Owl City Concert!!! April 12th, 2010


Preference Dance March 14th,
2010


I painted his nails last summer because I won a bet! :)
June 22nd, 2010



Katrina Waugh
Hated each other in seventh grade. She is now my confidant, and I can trust her with ANYTHING! She always has my back and so does the rest of her family! I LOVE THIS GIRL! She accepts every part of me, even the parts of me I am ashamed of! I always feel comfortable around her!

Katrina and Jackson (her boyfriend and my practically little brother! I introduced them!)


Katrina on her 16th Birthday!


Kat and I had a silly photo shoot so she could get Jackson a picture of her for Valentines day! This is my favorite one!




Ceeli Cherie Lamoreaux
AHHHH! I LOVE THIS CHIKA! She's so cute and funny! I miss her like crazy! Ceeli taught me how to be comfortable being myself! She also taught me how not to care "what those other bitches think" All I can say about her is that I want her body, in my bed, under the covers, with the lights off, ALL NIGHT LONG! UGH! ha ha ha! . . . . . . . (inside joke)


I Love this pic of her because it shows her goofy, fun personality and her BEAUTIFUL eyes!



SHE IS SOOOO CUTE! (said in a manly voice!)



First time I met Ceeli (we weren't friends for a while after this) Girls Camp 2009.... yup.



FINAL WORDS:
I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

♪♥♫♥♪Sweetheart Serenades♫♥♪♥♫

Well Friday February 11th was my last Choir Concert.....

I had the Sweetheart Serenades fundraiser concert! It was kind of dull at first but I was recruited to work the flies backstage (YAY! TECHIE STUFF!) so I was pleased! BUT I was a tad dissapointed with all of the disrespectful choir students who kept pulling/touching/strumming the flies. No matter how many times we told them not too. I almost killed this one kid who kicked a leg on a flat that we worked so hard to build.... HAH! But Mr. Hayes sympathized (he was a techie himself, NOT in choir surprisingly! He gave us some great antidotes like how when he wa sin tech they had a saying hung up back stage
"We Don't Care Who's Fault It Is We'll Kill You All!" HA HA HA! So TRUE! )
Anyways, I had a solo, and it was fun. Here are a few pics! I transfer out of choir tomorrow!

(wish me luck!)
PRESHOW!

Sara Mortensen....................................................... Emma Ashby
(singing an original)............................................(Singing Only Hope)

Kristen Tuft
& Taylor Something
(a whole new world)


Jackie Camacho
(I can't Help Falling in love with you!)
SHE WAS SOOOO GOOD!


IN SHOW FULL-LENGTH SOLOS
Kenna Thomas
(Adelaide's Lament)
[a puwson caun develope a cowld!]

Andrew Swenson
(LOVE)
[Secret Serenade! 4 members of the aduiance
were drawn to be serenaded (we totally rigged it) ;)


Ben Krutsch
(if I can't Love Her)
AMAZING SINGER!


LITTLE MERMAID!
(Boys Sang "Kiss the Girl" and Girls Sang "She's in Love")

So I had my Solo in this Song!

MY SOLO!

Soloists Talking at the Beginning!


ANYWAYS!!!!
Fun Concert! Good bye CHOIR! AU REVOIR! KISSES!
(I am sad, but I still have musicals, Drama and Tech! That's what I love most! Not to mention I will always sing while cleaning and in the shower =] )

My words for the day? Well choir was amazing! I have been doing it forever, but this year has just been...... awful, and I felt done with it! I have made my mark and I am ready to move on! Hasta La Vista Choir!
My thoughts, don't do things for other people, If you aren't enjoying something MOVE ON! Because you loved it once doesn't mean you'll love it again! Life is about moving on honestly, and things change and phases pass. I am not done singing, just done singing in the SHS Concert Choir!

*Thanks For Reading!
~Angela Black♥

If Music be the Food of Love......

So to me music is about the most important thing on the planet Earth! These are a few random favorites of mine! I didn't get to listen to them all before I put them on (to check the quality) but I hope they are all fine! PLEASE enjoy!

First Post!

I decided that I needed a blog to say just.... whatever on I guess.
Anyways I thought this would be fun, and I am going to TRY and post at least once a week.
(yeah so for all of those who actually know me, stop laughing okay?)
In the past my blogs have become more of pictures, documenting what I have been up too..... I hope this one ends differently.

So I am going to introduce myself a little.
My name is Angela Black♥
I have signed my name with a heart after it since 5th grade. In my 7th grade math class my teacher started calling me Angela-Black-Heart. Anyways, it caught on and for the rest of my Jr. High School career I was Black-Heart. [thus then name of this blog]
I LOVE to write, sing, dance, and act. I have several things I want to do as an adult. I have decided to go to beauty school, try out for American Idol, and audition for a few shows. Life will take me where I need to be I suppose, which could be in none of those areas..... well I hope it's in at least one of them.
I have a big family. I have an older sister named JoAnn, who is married to Will, and has four boys Ethan, Aaron, Ryan, and Dallin.

I have an older brother named David, who is married to Megan as of August.

Then I have My older sister Janean (19), My younger sister Hannah(15),
and my youngest sister Bethany(12)!

.....

Oh and I am dating the most AMAZING guy EVER! ♥Corbin Ray Harris♥!

Favorite Color: green
Favorite Author: Laurie Halse Anderson!
Favorite Stores: Rue21, Wetseal, and Hot Topic!
Favorite Musicals: Grease, Rent, Sweeny Todd, Moulin Rouge, and Funny Girl.
Favorite Movies: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Pretty Woman, 500 Days of Summer, The Wringer and Juno!
Favorite Artists: Sara Bareilles, Shiny Toy Guns, Lady GaGa, Megan Joy, and Missy Higgins
Favorite Books: The Odyssey (Homer), Wintergirls (Laurie Halse Anderson), Speak(Laurie Halse Anderson), Wicked (Gregory MaGuire), and Crank (Ellen Hopkins)

This is me! Angela Elizabeth Black!

:) Happy reading for all of those who are reading at all!!!