Why People Need to Stop Being "Proud" of Me

I have never been one to seek validation through other's approval. With the exception of my mother, I have never cared who liked me or was proud of me. But lately (in the last year) I have heard several people tell me they are "proud" of me, and it is a little frustrating to be honest. I know none of these people intend it to be rude, and it's not really, it's just so... misguided.

I am proud of myself. I am proud of myself because at a very young age I was curious about religion. I worked hard to study other religions and find sources written by active and faithful members of those religions to learn from.

I am proud of myself for finding God. I developed a relationship with God through the Nature Based Wiccan sect at 16! That relationship grew ever stronger at 18 when I moved out of my parents house. He is still the same man I know and love today. 

I am proud of myself for working hard throughout high school. Sure, I didn't get the best grades, but I worked (and played) hard. I put myself out there and fought for what I believed in. I stood up for myself and others.

I am proud of myself for having a job at a young age. When I was 12 I was consistently babysitting, and at 14 I got a snow cone shack gig. When I was 15 I got a job at Taco Time, and while it wasn't the best job in the world I continued at fast food and higher end restaurants until I got married. My senior year of high school I didn't participate in any plays because I was working. I missed choir tours and concerts, drama events and more because I was working hard outside of school to save for college. 

I am proud of myself for finishing high school early. Granted, I still walked and everything, but my senior year of high school I only had one class every other day and that was it! The rest of my time was spent going to cosmetology school. 

I am proud of myself for moving out of my parent's house when I was 18. I lived a few blocks from school and work. I got myself everywhere by walking or taking the bus. I paid my own rent, food, clothing, utilities, and more. I budgeted my money and my time wisely and worked hard to be responsible while working full time and going to school part time. 

I am proud of myself for furthering my education. I went to cosmetology school, which was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I almost quit three times! But I stuck it out and I am so glad I did! 

I am proud of myself for paying for my own education. I don't think that there is anything wrong with parent's helping their children pay for college, but mine were not able to. I saved up my own hard earned money for years to pay for tuition ($17,500) at a nice school, all by myself. 

These are all things I am proud of myself for. I feel I have grown a lot and worked really hard in my life. There are so many reasons for me to be proud of myself! So why does it bother me so much that all these people are all of the sudden proud of me? It's the why that bothers me. 

In the last year and half I have converted to being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka Mormon). My family is all LDS and we live in Utah. Most of the adults that knew me as a child thought (and still think) that I was incredibly rebellious, which was true in a sense. But I usually didn't do things just because other people told me not to do them. I did things because I was exploring culture, nature, religion, thought, politics, myself. I was exploring the world. I wanted to know why things happened or what the effect would be, not listen to people who had never done those things tell me not to do them because... I lived for me.

Most people think that my whole life I have always known that the LDS church is true, and I just liked to say I was Wiccan because it was weird, different, freaked people out, ect.  Others think that I just lived my life in a Godless manner that made it impossible to hear Him tell me it is true. They now believe that I have grown up and realized that my rebel phase was silly and put it aside so I could live in the truth I have always known, and they are proud of me for coming to that point and growing up. They are wrong.

I am further from God today than I have been in 4 years. 2 years ago, as a Wiccan, I prayed obsessively. I felt Him and communicated with Him every day. I studied and learned and lived. Now I go to work and home and I hardly ever go outside. I pray once a week, I go to a church twice a month (and rarely do I attend sacrament meeting). I read my scriptures hardly ever. I used to be on my own in a sense. Most people didn't understand me, my parents didn't accept me, and I was alone. I needed God. I didn't have anyone else who would listen to my problems and make me feel better. Now my family is closer to me and more open to my thoughts, and my wonderful husband is there to comfort me and listen to my problems, and my loving and patient Heavenly Father has fallen through the cracks. But still people are "proud" of my dwindling relationship with God because I am "Mormon". And I think it's sad.

I think it's sad that people don't realize that the LDS church is just another venue to get to know God. True, I think it is the most whole and correct religion on Earth, but I know that God put me here because it's what I need to complete my journey. He put me in the Wiccan sect too. He also showed me the Springville Presbyterian church. He has introduced me to incredible places, religions, groups and people to help me come closer to Him. The religion that He connects with me through is not something that people should be proud of me for. Be proud that I have a connection and relationship with Him, but not because it's through the same avenue you do. People think that I have finally accepted the truth. But I have always accepted the truth and I actively seek it. My truth is not your truth. My journey is not your journey. It's okay.

Final Words♥ learn to respect other people's journeys