The Big Secret

Well actually it’s not that big of a secret. I have told a lot of my friends and three of my family members what I've been up to. The ones that I didn't tell have guessed what I've been doing. Yes my friends I have been taking LDS missionary lessons. Well not really lessons, I already know all of the stories. It’s been more of a Q&A. I say “this is what I don’t believe” and they say “this is why it is the way it is.”

Throughout this last month and a half of these lessons I have come to realize one thing. I am not Mormon. I found that with almost every single aspect of it I was telling myself I could just believe it and have faith even though it didn't make any sense at all. And I can do that in religion with a thing or two, but I simply can’t do it for all aspects. I would pray and cry asking God to just tell me it was all true. But he didn't  I didn't feel peace or light or happiness, I felt confusion and pressure and sickness.

Then I went on a little walk around the Provo River. I saw orange leaves and moving grass and ducks. It was stunning. Then I prayed. And I felt so much power and peace when I prayed and instead of asking “is this true?” I asked “Where do I belong? Where do you want me to be so that I can learn what I need from this life? Was I already there before this LDS endeavor?” And I felt a warm peace in my heart and I opened my eyes and I saw three butterflies.

I don’t know why God wants me to be a Nature Based Wiccan. I don’t know why he can’t give me a testimony of the Mormon Church but I do know that he wants me where I am. Whether it be because I can’t handle the whole truth, or because I need this religion to learn what I need to for this life, or because maybe I actually have the true religion. I don’t care what his reasoning is, this is where he wants me to be and this is where I am.

Final Words <3 : Accept people from all religions, and love them, and trust that God has a plan for them even if you don’t understand it.