I Want to Turn it All Off

Life is a struggle sometimes. I know it's cliche to say that my heart and my head disagree sometimes, but they do. But sometimes I am in a situation where my heart and my head agree and I still don't listen. Where everything inside of me is telling me to do something and I say no, because it's scary. I was recently in a situation where I realized that I had a choice, end something or wait for it to be ended by someone else. I knew things would never last. I told myself to end it, but every time the opportunity arose I retreated. I don't like endings. Then it was ended for me, and it was a lot harder than I expected it to be. I knew it was coming, I even told a few friends it was coming and i could feel it, but as prepared as I was the feeling of inadequacy really stung.

It's times like these that I need to remember three important sayings, they help me through almost everything, and I guess I'll share them now.

1: I'm just a Caterpillar
I know you all know by now I am obsessed with butterflies. I wont go into a ton of detail here because you've heard my analogy one million times on this blog. But essentially I am a caterpillar and I am going through hurt and pain and lessons so that one day I can become a butterfly. It's not easy but I'm going to get there.

2: They Build Buildings so Tall These Days
This saying is my background on my computer, it was my facebook cover for half a year, and it's a poster on my wall. The core meaning of this phrase is that people build expectations of life, marriage, love, and happiness so tall. They make everything out to be big and grand and sometime life just sucks. And sometime happiness, love, and marriage are really really hard. But you stay. You stay and you love and you give and you hope and you dream and you try to become better. Because reality is not as grand as those buildings.

3: I'm Prefect not Ideal
I had a good friend once who is a poet. One of my favorites he ever wrote talked about how perfection means something is as good as it can possibly get. Ideal on the other hand is as good as you can imagine something to be. Humans are by nature flawed. But we can imagine a flawless person, that person is ideal. But since humans can not possibly be flawless our true potential is one where we are constantly learning and growing and searching and working to become more than what we are. And I am doing that. I am working. So I am perfect. I am not ideal, I am not flawless, but I am the best I can possibly be at this time, and that is perfect.


And it wouldn't be my blog if I didn't finish with the song that I am in love with right now and may or may not be on repeat as i type this post haha.
This would be Everyone's Waiting by Missy Higgins from her newest album The Ol' Razzle Dazzle. This song just talks about someone who is at a turning point in their life. They are trying to make some big choices and there is so much pressure on them they feel like breaking. I am feeling like that right now, but my pressure is internal. A lot of people don;t know what I'm doing but I know what they want me to do, what they want me to become and sometimes that pressure is just to much for me handle. It's the pressure to gain acceptance from almost every single person I know by making one single choice. I'm sure most of us have or will experience this feeling of pressure in our lifetime. My favorite part of this song is when she says "all of those painful lessons you've had to learn, you gotta use them now or never. 'Cause everyone's waiting, but's getting harder to hear what my heart keeps saying, Turn it off I want to turn it all off..."

Final Words <3 Turn off all the noise in  you head, follow your heart and remember that you are just a caterpillar  so just do your best and you'll be fine.