Insecure

Everyone has insecurities. Some people have less than others, some people's insecurities aren't as bad, some people just don't care about their insecurites as much as others do, but in the end it doesn't matter everyone has things they don't like about themselves.

To me it feels like, in today's world, everyone is trying to fix others. Fix you. Fix me. They say things like, "If you'd just take this pill", "If you'd only go here", "If you'd just have this surgery", and then it will all go away. But why? I think it's wrong. For years people haven't had the technology that we do now, and they made it. People had anxiety, people had depression, people had big noses, people were fat, people didn't like themselves. So why does it matter? There are so many songs on the radio right now that are popular with the same message. Firework by Katy Perry, Born This Way by Lady Gaga, Fucking Perfect by P!nk, Who Says by Selena Gomez. They all say "Love Yourself."

But this is so hard to do.

I watch some pretty lame shows. Especially during the summer, I sit around a lot! One of the shows that I love is Glee! Now they have on another show called The Glee Project. This is where twelve talented people compete for a role on Glee! Every week they have homework assignments and a video shoot based on the theme such as "Theatricality" and "Individualism", just like on Glee! This week's lesson was vulnerability. So they were given Mad World, to sing for their music video. The plan for this week's video was they all walked around a busy area in LA in shorts and a tank top wearing a sign with the word that makes them the most insecure on it. They had words such as "small", "gay", "rejected", "fake", and "used". One competitor, Marissa, chose the word "flawed". But while watching Alex (who chose the word "gay") go out and expose himself, Marissa and others broke down. Marissa saw how Alex's heart began to break as people watched him and judged him, and she went into the other room and changed her sign. While watching the video viewers saw that it now read "anorexic". Here is the video if anyone would like to watch.

I teared up while watching this. Not that many people read this thing, but most of those close to me know I used to be anorexic. I lost sixty pounds by not eating. The issue was that it made things better. Sure dancing became hard, but boys looked at me. People wanted to be my friend. I acted with more emotion as well. But one day, I met someone who made me eat. That was about a year ago. I have since gained back fifteen pounds. I feel gross sometimes still. Sometimes I am watching tv while my stomach aches and I say to myself "It's a couple pounds that you need to loose if you just stay here" and I do. It's hard not to slip back. But I think that I do very well under the circumstances.

But anorexic isn't my word. What is it? Trash. Why. . . . well I think I'll keep that one to myself for right now.

♥Final Words♥

What's your word?