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These are my personal opinions, not those of my family members (or husband) and certainly not what I think everyone has to believe or they are unintelligent. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. This is mine. If you choose to comment on this post with an opposing opinion I am okay with that. Isn't it great that we can all have different opinions on such an important issue and still be friends? I think so. If you choose to comment with anything that name calls or is derogatory towards me or people who disagree with you, I will delete the comment.
Examples: I think that gay marriage is good because of.... (okay)
I think that people who don't support gay marriage are homophobic (not okay)
People who support gay marriage obviously aren't mature enough to see... (not okay)
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On facebook and twitter I have seen this wave of posts about different things pertaining to being a military wife. I just wanted to express some of my thoughts on those posts. No, this isn't aimed at any one person. There are probably a dozen of my friends who will think I am aiming this at them because they have posted one or more of these things, but that is not true. Please do not take this personally. Every single meme I am about to respond to has been posted at least 2 times by different people on my facebook. I am going to respond to some of them as someone whose husband is not in the military, has never had the desire to be in the military and probably never will be.
1-
Yes, my life is stressed. I know you might be balancing all of the things I am with out your husband, while mine is present, but I am still stressed. Why do we have to make this a competition about who has more stress in their lives? We both stress about different things. You have things you stress about that I don't, and I am certain that you don't stress about other things that I do.
2-
Why am I all of the sudden not allowed to miss my husband? I have seen memes similar to this posted as a comment on people's statuses when they say that they miss their husband when he is only gone for 1-8 days. I don't care if your husband is gone for 3 years and mine is gone for 3 minutes, I am allowed to miss him. I am allowed to write a sappy facebook status that says I miss him. You are too. Once again this is not a competition. Yes, I realize that it is not quite the same, but it doesn't matter. Do not shame other people or diminish their feelings because you think you are more entitled or have to deal with them more often than others.
3-
So I used to date this guy who wanted to (and did) join the Marines. He used to get mad at me all of the time for this! I always said Army instead of Military. I think it is funny because I have a friend who is a Marine, a grand father and father in law who used to be in the Navy, two brother in laws in the Air Force and a brother in law in the Army Special Forces. Since marrying my husband I have been thoroughly educated on the differences, but I think it's funny because what seems to matter to most people is just high school politics. I have been told that the Marines are meat heads and also that they are the brave guys who actually get off their butts and fight. I have heard that the Air Force is the brains of the Military and also that they are posh pretty boys that get waited on and over paid. Now obviously I disagree with all of these assessments, but where I actually learned the difference was online and in books, not by branch members because the only things they seem to care about are the stupid clique labels and judgement slapped on each branch by other branches, and of course their branch is always the best. Can not all branches just be equal and get along? They all do important work and things. This whole getting offended because I mistook your husband for being a part of the wrong branch thing is silly. Don't expect people who have no family in the military to be as educated about it as you are.
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I'm sorry, I know your husband is away and that sucks. But are you telling me that just because he is deployed you wouldn't prefer him in Japan (where a war with the US is not currently happening) than Afghanistan? If you really don't care then you are right, I do not understand. I would prefer my husband be in the safest place possible if he were deployed. But what can you do? I don't understand. I am not a military wife. But please, just because I haven't gone through what you have, don't get angry with me for trying to see a bright side or for trying to make conversation.
5-
So pretty much all of these are conversation pieces. I talk about wars, government, foreign policies, and the president with my in-laws! It isn't uncommon for people to ask these questions. And if someone does right after they find out your husband is military just assume it's because people like to know how government workers feel about our government. (directed at #3) I know you don't LET your husband be in the military, but this is a compliment. I don't know how I could handle my husband being in the military. It's really hard. They are saying "wow, you are way stronger than I am, I could never do what you are doing!" Stop getting hung up on word choice and take the compliment. As far as 4, 5, 8, and 10 go those are all common questions people ask military wives. They don't realize it's a sore spot. They are just asking questions because they are curious. Tell them the truth, share about your hardships, educate them about your husband's career. If he is career and not just serving for a short time, tell your friend, they'd like to know. It's not a compliment but try not to get hung up on the specific word choice of a simple question.
All in all I think my main opinion here is that there is a difference in someone being insensitive and someone else being hyper-sensitive. I know it must be rough on you, but the rest of us get to have feelings and opinions about our lives too. If someone asks you a questions that strikes a nerve you don't have to answer it, or better answer it by educating the asker on why that question might be a sensitive topic. When people ask if your husband will be home in time for the birth, anniversary, baptism, ect. you wouldn't be offended if the answer was yes would you? I know when the answer is no it means you are thinking about something you'd prefer not to, but you can't expect everyone to tread on egg shells and not talk about politics around you. You are entitled to miss you husband and to stress, but so am I. Just because it is different doesn't mean your feelings are "better" or that mine should be diminished.
Final Words ♥: I think being in the military and part of a military family is a huge sacrifice. Thank you to all of our service men and women and their families.
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