Saying Goodbye

This summer a lot of incredible and young people have lost or taken their lives. I know a lot of my friends have been having a hard time. The count simply keeps rising and I am loosing track. A lot of these people I know but I was never close to them. So I guess I have been a little numb to their loss. But there are two who have really hit me hard. Two with completely different lives and attitudes who have made me feel a little emptier. So I want to say Goodbye.

Cory Cloward was a friend of mine at Mapleton Jr. High. He was bold, rude, and funny. He didn’t care about anything, but he had a big heart and under his hard exterior was someone who cared about everyone who was close to him. We had some tender moments Cory and I. He was a pretty good friend of mine. He did give me a few pep talks and he also hooked me up with a few people when I was down. Haha he was my wingman and my chauffeur. I remember smoking cigarettes at the park with him after parties laughing as hard as we could about almost nothing. I remember spirit club in jr. high and all of the good times we had together there. Once we hit high school, we parted. But for most of Sophomore Year he and I attended every single choir concert from our old jr. high and after every single one of them we would drive around for hours talking and having a good time.

I was at school when my friend Shania called me to tell me he had left us by his own choice. At first I thought it was a joke, I thought I had heard wrong. Then I got angry. He was an asshole all the way up until his death. Then I realized how much I loved that asshole and how I would never see him again. The truth of the matter was I hadn’t seen him for about a year at that point and I would probably never see him again anyways, but I couldn’t now. And there was a hole. And I had to work for the funeral, and I didn’t get to say goodbye or mourn with my old friends who were there for each other. And I felt alone and empty. So one day I went there alone and I cried for barely any time at all and then I felt a little peace. Cory is not gone. He is just going onto the next thing.

Sometimes I forget he’s gone. I really feel like he is just waiting around the corner to jump out and say “Got you!” haha he was that kind of guy, always having the last laugh, and always laughing. He will be missed. Rest in peace Cory, I will see you again.

The second person that I really must say goodbye to is Mike Creviston. I met Mike my sophomore year of high school in Spanish. I dropped out of Spanish half way through the year, but mike is the only reason I didn’t fail the first two terms. He was always thinking of me and trying to help me out and make sure I understood. And I am far too prideful to ask for help but Mike noticed I was struggling and so he extended a hand to help me. And although we didn’t have a single class together for the rest of my high school career he would say high to me in the halls all the time. We had several mutual friends so we often saw each other and every time we did he’d give me a hug and say something like “Hey Angie! I haven’t seen you in a long time, what’s been going on?” And he was so genuine. He really cared about everyone and how they were doing.

Then on Sunday he decided he needed to leave us. And now many of us feel like our ray of sunshine is missing. I have yet to meet someone who saw it coming, but all of us feel like we should have known. Mike was always asking how you are, is everything okay, can I help? Well Mike I wish you’d told us you weren’t okay and how we could have helped because there were so many of us who wanted to. Rest in Peace Mike. I know that you too are going on to the next big thing. I will see you again.

Goodbyes can be hard but my mom has always told me that when people die they aren’t gone. They are just moving on. They are still in our hearts and our minds and they may even be here guiding us towards something better. But they are somewhere else; moving on to do whatever it is God needs of them. And one day we will see these two great spirits again. So it’s not really goodbye is it?

<3 Final Words: Until we meet again, I will always have you in my heart Cory and Mike

Cory Cloward                                Mike Creviston

   

MOVING! AHHHHH!

Yes that’s right folks, this girl right here has moved! I have taken a giant leap all the way for Springville to Provo Utah! ;) I am now living down the road from my school and work. It has been…. an experience and it’s only been three days! First of all I have three roommates. One of them is super Mormon, one is super not, and one is super friendly but she seems like a good medium. Jenna (the medium) shares a bathroom with me and I love it because she actually wanted a system. She makes plans to make sure that the next year runs smoothly. I am a fan!

I just feel all adult and grown up! I live on my own (sort of), with my own dishes, my own comforter, and my own pans, and my own food, and rent! I pay rent! I can’t do that I’m still a baby! Haha. Time is flying so fast! And it's true what they say, Provo is a meat market! I have been asked on three dates in the three days I've been here! The whole time I just wanted to say “I’m sorry but you’re to Mormon for me.” Hahaha just kidding! Two of them seemed like very nice guys.

Now for a few thoughts on my favorite topic, MUSIC! I have found a few songs that I feel I must share with you! One of these is Merry Happy, by Kate Nash. This song talks about being in a relationship that you love with someone that makes you ‘merry happy’ and then it ends. The reason I love this song is that Kate doesn’t talk about the world crashing down with the relationship. Instead she says “So I learnt from you.” Another part I love is when she says “I can be alone, I can watch the sunset on my own.” I love that. I can watch the sunset on my own and feel its warmth and beauty and be happy all on my own. I love it! Plus I always love unique voices, and I love Kate Nash’s!

The second song I must share with you all is one I have known and loved for a long time now but I am falling in love with it again. This would be the song Sugarcane, by the amazing Aussie, Missy Higgins! I swear I will sing this song to my child if I ever have kids. The song begins by singing to a child. She says that the baby is safe for now, but she is just beginning a game that will change her forever. Then she sings “So grow tall sugarcane, eat that soil and drink the rain. But know they’ll chase you if you play their little games, so run, run fast sugarcane.” The second verse is the all time best part. Missy sings about herself, and how she has found a way to love her and not care about others, but the ballerina has not found that yet.

And for the last song I have a radio hit that you’ve all probably heard, I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz. My favorite lines of this song (which are most people’s favorite lines) are “Even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth, we’ve got a lot to learn and God knows we’re worth it,” and I also love the part where he says “Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the gifts and tolls we’ve got yeah we’ve got a lot at stake” and then “We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in. I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not, and who I am.” The biggest reason that I love this song is because I feel like it is interchangeable. The song is geared towards a typical dating/marriage relationship. But when I hear this song I don’t think of me and a guy. I think of the three most important relationships in my life. My family and I, God and I, and myself and I. These are the three relationships that have taken the most work and were the most painful. These are the people who I will be with for my whole life and never stop working to be closer to. Accepting, getting to know, and loving my family, God and myself have been the biggest challenges ever but I am so much stronger for it and I will continue to become stronger for it.

And of course I have posted a little playlist of those three songs for you to listen to if you’d like. 

♥Final Words: Life is an adventure, so take it and make the best you possibly can of everything that is thrown your way!